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Already Thursday! [Oct. 21st, 2004|11:22 am]
[mood |tiredtired]

Are your weeks flying by? I can't believe it's Thursday and even more I can't believe that it's already midsemester! Our senior year is FLYING!

I've had so much reading lately but today I'm just writing in my loverly livejournal, watching tv (sorta) and sitting desk hours.
Last night I slept over at my boyfriend's house...gasp! Next week on Tuesday it will be our one-month, which is pretty damn cute. His name is Matt Sklar, he's from Long Island, he's a senior Communications/Film major, brown curly hair, cool blue eyes with yellow/green around the pupil, kinda silly but fun. It happened, our getting together, when I least expected it. I know I've never met anyone when I was looking and this time was the same way. I'd just gotten over a silly crush and was totally ok with being a single, empowered young woman! Well, I can still be empowered :) It's crazy that I meet someone who is interested in me just as soon as I decide I'm fine on my own.
I think I'm meeting his brothers tonite because they're coming in for the weekend to see him.

I think that going to grad school in WNY is the best choice for me right now. I know that I'll have to apply to a few schools but I can't picture being totally happy if I couldn't drive up to see fam. UB's English doctorate program really looks like what I want. I remember how intimidated I was by the campus when I was looking at schools my Senior year but now it's appealing just for the program.
I'd love to live with a couple of my girlfriends from here too, and they're getting an apartment in Kenmore next semester.
Who wants to live at home next year? Not me! I can't imagine moving back 'home' after graduating.

I'm going to Mexico with my cousin after graduation in May :) My Aunt and Uncle have a timeshare down there so we don't have to pay for a hotel, just the flight and food money. It's definitely an incentive for me to lose a bit of weight because I just wanna lay on the beach while we're down there. I'd love to lay on a beach right now - the crappy Fredonia rain is starting to get to me right about now.

Ok, have to sort mail that just came in.
Love and miss my girls.
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Competitive women... [Jun. 16th, 2004|09:42 pm]
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]

I just finished watching an episode of SEX IN THE CITY - they're re-playing them all on tbs now, and since I didn't see them while they were on hbo I'm watching them now.
So...twenty-something vs thirty-something - are we competition for each other?
I think the better question would be, when are women of all ages not competition for each other? Maybe it's terribly closed-minded to think that women are cut-throat and out for their own good, but I tend to think it does have it's relevance. Women are put into a situation where there has to be some sort of competition, whether it's with looks, career, intelligence, or the man they have. Is that too black and white? Maybe so. I always seem to have more questions than answers when I write, but that could be a good thing.

Another line from the show went something like this...'nothing's worse than being thirty-something and single in the city, except for maybe being twenty-something and in the city'
Is it so important to be in some kind of romantic relationship? I can have simply fantastic girlfriends, and yet it doesn't always feel like it's filling me up. Does that make sense? Hopefully you're all nodding your heads saying, 'Yes! Melissa, I know exactly what you mean'.
I have times when I'm starving for male companionship (and all the lust that comes with it) and other times when I simply love being single and independent. Sidenote: can you be part of a couple and still independent?
I was driving home today and for some reason thought about the way it feels to begin a relationship, you know - the happy-go-lucky, shit-eating-grin phase. Damn, that part is the best. The world shines from every linty corner, and it's because you're shining from the inside out. If I could bottle those feelings I know I could make a fortune. Sad part is, it'd be women in relationships as well as singles who'd be buying it. That phase doesn't last long. Eventually you realize the other person isn't perfect, contrary to what you may have thought in the beginning.
So what does this have to do with competitive women? Somehow I start on one topic and manage to make circles around and around, getting farther away from the original topic with each turn! Let's see, I can find some connection here.
I think we're really just competitive with ourselves, and that's what this twenty-something, desperate search for a boyfriend is all about. I'm afraid I'm missing out on something I'm 'supposed' to have - well, that's truly ridiculous but I forget that pearl of honesty on certain occasions.
Maybe I'm just rambling because I wanted to write.
I have a bitch of a headache - could it be the fact that I haven't had sugar today, or yesterday?

Life isn't so horrible though, really it's a gift. I have tomorrow off, and I'm going to make the most of it.

**I hope we have our thirty-something years in a bit closer proximity to each other**
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Pressure [Jun. 15th, 2004|09:39 pm]
Sometimes the world seems to push down on your shoulders - push down and yet fill you up to the point of exploding too. Do you know the feeling?

I'm still dealing with the fact that Grandpa isn't sitting in his chair in St. Thomas. I can't imagine how Grandma must feel...can you imagine losing your spouse? Your companion?
I guess he talked extensively about God with a chaplain while he was in the hospital, and he was never religious. Funny, how people turn to God when they're very sick or know they're going to die.

I ate lunch outside today while I was downtown for work. The sun felt amazing, and I was happy to just people watch.
One of the ladies from work came out and sat with me. It's interesting, I met her at the company Christmas party, before she was working at HUNT, and asked how I knew her. It sounds like a corny pick-up line, but that's what I did. Then we ended up talking for about 30 minutes about au peres (is that how you spell it?), and we went out for lunch the other day. There is an instant connection with some people that I can't explain. She's a warm woman, always willing to share herself and listen, and really listen. Some people listen, and others really listen. You know, listen to you instead of waiting for you to finish so they can talk!

My Mother watches sports now! I can hear her yelling at hockey players in the livingroom - telling them to 'play nice!'

I had a great time babysitting for the two little kids I'll be nannying for in Martha's Vineyard later this month. We played dress-up, I carried both of them around the house, we read and snuggled in bed - it was an overall great time for all.
I know being a mother is a ton of work, and I only spent an evening with them, but doing stuff like that makes me realize how much I want my own kids. Not so much that I'm gonna make babies tomorrow, but enough to know that eventually I want a family with a couple of kids. Having the right guy is gonna take some time though. There are times that I can't imagine being in a steady relationship or having children, but I think it's in my future. Some guy will eventually realize how smart, pretty, and funny I am. (A-mazing ;), right Arethusa?)

Aight, I'm tuckered out.
nite ya'll.
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Looooooong Time since... [May. 25th, 2004|12:09 pm]
[mood |draineddrained]
[music |the birdies are chirping outside cause it stopped raining!]

Yea, it's been a while.

So I'm almost through with my second week of work since getting home on the 15th (which was my bday!)
Life is pretty good. I'm not working tomorrow, so I'll be going to get my eyebrows done, wash the dog, watch a little tv, maybe get to the dmv, and start reading for my thesis. I have a bag filled with stuff from a prof. to start me off, and then if I finish then I can start on the reading list that an associate of hers sent for me. Whew.
I did just finish reading Nanny Diaries, which is a good one. I picked it up from Media Play last week because I will be nannying the end of June and first two weeks of July in Martha's Vineyard. Thankfully, I don't think I'll have quite the same type of story to share when I get back.

Work is good. I'm tired, but good. It's different this summer, but in a good way. There are more agents and a couple new people on staff, of which Dan Zerpa is one :)

I'm 21, and yet haven't drank at all since I've been home. Hopefully this will be remedied soon. It's just crummy, cause I can't very well WALK home after being at the bars! That is a handy thing in Fredonia. And who wants to be DD? Aw well.

So out of touch with so many people...gotta get on that.
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Warmth! [Apr. 16th, 2004|12:23 pm]
[mood |goodgood]
[music |Strawberry Wine]

I wore a sweatshirt to class this morning, but when I walked back over to Fenton to drop off stuff for in interview on Monday I was nearly sweating! This is good because it means that the snow is goonnne!

It's been sooooo long since I've updated, which is sad, but I'm doing it now which is all that matters.

Jacquie called the other night and it just made me smile. There are some people that can do that to me, and she's one of them. I was talking to Mum about her and we can both see us being bridesmaids for eachother (that is if we can find men that won't drive us crazy for the rest of our lives).

Do you think that getting married to a man whose parents are divorced makes the two of you more likely to get divorced? Does his family make a difference in how he interacts with you? I think it does, but sometimes I wonder if being married to a man whose family has never been divorced makes your own chances better. It was a lunch topic the other day and I just wondered what people thought about it.

Tonite I have a fund-raising bake sale with the sorority for Coaches v. Cancer, then tomorrow is my Banquet!!!, and Sunday is gonna be busy too. It's good I was productive this week 'cause I don't know what I'm going to get done this weekend.
So onto the banquet :) My dress is so cute - I'll have to get pictures. Mum made it, which I think is more and more cool as the years go by. It's perriwinkle, goes just below my knees, has a bit of a sweetheart neckline (my boobs look good, ha), and the straps go around my neck like a halter top, then there are two straps in the back. I have adorable shoes, well they're really actually sexy. Silver, thin and high heels. I used my Christmas mall gift certificate at DSW, which is so nice seeing that my bank account isn't too healthy right about now.
I'm gonna pick Nick up tomorrow. Yes, I'm interested, but more importantly I want to develop a friendship. I have to watch myself, though not too much. Geesh I overanalyze every little thing! We're gonna have fun, and that should be the only expectation for the night. Of course I wanna see how he kisses, but that is NOT gonna be in my mind all night.

I love having my car here. I love my car, period, but it's so great to have the freedom to make a run to the store or home for the evening whenever I want to.

I'm so hungry right about now, but I've gotta wait til 1 when the girls and I usually meet for Friday lunch.

We're all gonna be super-stressed for the next few weeks so take some advice from your 'old soul' friend :)

K, nuff said.
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Boo! [Mar. 29th, 2004|05:35 pm]
I am buying a car - a 99 Ford Escort ZX2. I was going to be getting it today, but alas the transferring of Canadian funds has stopped me dead in my tracks.
Wahhhhhhhhhh. That was me whining really loudly and obnoxiously.

It will be sometime this week, but not today.
Now I'm trying to figure who is around for dinner because I didn't think I'd be back in time for supper.

I'm quite stressed and don't feel like talking anymore.
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Sweet teas [Mar. 23rd, 2004|12:15 pm]
[mood |contentcontent]
[music |the hum of the portable heater, and Sere's gentle snoring :)]

I really love herbal teas. I have this sweet tea sitting next to me right now, brewing away. It smells like chammomile and honey, but there's something else when I actually taste it. It's just nice.

I've started requesting information from graduate programs. Some websites are so easy to get around and others are nearly impossible. I'm really not looking at where the colleges are -I just want as much information about programs as I can get.
I'm probably going to have to go back to a language (Spanish?) at some point during grad school. Eh.
I'm so glad that I chose Fredonia. I know that a lot of people are totally happy with their choices, but I just couldn't get to sleep if I knew a year of school was costing me 30K+. Going to a state school has made my undergrad years so much easier, financially at least.
Hopefully I can get a fellowship or a TA position for grad school *crossing fingers really tightly*.
I'm writing all this 'cause I read Beck's entry. I also thought of you (Beck :))when I went to pick up my mother's prescription. I don't think they normally would have let someone else pick it up for her because it's a controlled substance, but the pharmacist was definitely checking me out. hahah. He was young, probably mid 20s, and kinda cute. Ohhhhh. Just you wait, guys are gonna be coming to your pharmacy just because you're hot! That's terribly limiting, I know, but it was said with a little wink and a nudge-nudge.

Yesterday I finished reading "Gate to Women's Country" for my Sex&Gender class. I didn't have to have it finished until the final, but I don't really have time to read it while I'm at school.

Mum is making me a really pretty little dress for my Spring Banquet (with Arethusa-my sorority). It's periwinkle, a halter top. Kind of an empire waist, though it cups around my boobs more. It's just below my knees. I'll get pictures.
I'm gonna ask that guy Nick to come...hopefully right when I get back.
He and I are meeting weekly to plan the Organ Donation event so I'll be seeing him quite a bit. HAVE TO KEEP THINKING OF HIM AS A FRIEND. He's a cool guy, and whatever the relationship looks like is fine for me becuase he's just fun to hang out with. There is a bit of a crush forming, but I CAN keep it under control.

K, gonna go check for mail and then maybe make some lunch. I'm going to get my eyebrows done and take a book to wait for mum as she gets her hair colored. She's finally (at 52) started to cover up the little bits of grey.
Sidenote: is it 'grey' or 'gray'? I really do want to know, but not enough to look it up myself.

ciao bellas
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quizzie [Mar. 18th, 2004|09:00 pm]
Sorry Beck, I had to try it out.

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a10
your best quality isyour music taste rules
your worst quality islife is too short for you
this is becauseof who you are inside
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!
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Hott nite ;) [Mar. 18th, 2004|08:43 pm]
[mood |energeticenergetic]
[music |Ludicris-What's Your Fantasy]

I'm definitely going out tonite!
I was on duty last night when the rest of Fredonia started drinking green beer at noon so I think I'm due, ha.

I sort of had a crummy day yesterday. I got a midterm back and it was a C- : which means 'crappy'. I know I have time to bring it up, but I thought I'd done well so that was a downer. I hope she likes the paper I turned in on Wednesday.

I got a scholarship through the Women's Studies Dept!! They've been fundraising for it for years and I'm the first recipient. I was so excited when Dr. McCormick phoned to tell me I'd won it! Getting recognized is almost as great as the money too. I talked about Jean Campbell in the essay, so I think I'm gonna send her a copy of it. She really made an impact on me. I know not everyone in that school agrees with her, but I think she's teaching important lessons.

I have a crush...Nick. He's in my leadership class and we're gonna work on putting together an event for next year. It's going to be a fund/friendraiser for Organ Donation and as of now it's a Vegas themed event. Cards, amazing prizes, music, and of course information on Organ Donations. He came over last night to talk about it and we're gonna start meeting once a week for lunch to keep on top of it. I love it that he's excited about this project as much as I am, and the fact that he's incredibly funny and giving doesn't hurt either. I'm keeping it 'friends-only' in my mind, or at least TRYING TO. I keep telling myself that it's a prayer answered, I've been wanting guy friends and God just puts Nick in my lap (though not in the dirrrty sense, haha).

I miss you girls.

I have so much reading to do over break. Good times.
I might work at the restaurant at the retirement community Mum works at - we'll see.

Summer's coming! The snow's still on the ground, but I know the warm weather is simply aching to get out.

K, gonna go get sexy.
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WTF? [Mar. 12th, 2004|02:59 pm]
[mood |gratefulgrateful]
[music |sometimes silence is more beautiful than any other sound]

What is with WNY weather?! It was absolutely gorgeous last week and now it's tundra-land again.
This morning I fell on my ass on the way to class (did I already write this?). I was walking over an icy patch thinking 'now i need to be careful or i'll fall on my ass', and the next moment I was flying up in the air only to come crashing down on my ass.

Oh gosh, the sun is coming in through my window :) Maybe God is showing me how beautiful the sun can be, even on days when I fall and bruise my butt. Ahh. Did you ever look up into the sky to see the sun's rays floating down in streams? Well, Mum said that she and her grandfather used to talk about the angels coming down on those streams of light. Isn't that beautiful?
I'm in such a crazy mood - the hormones must be changing. I could cry just thinking about the sun shining down on my hands and face right now.
I haven't been going to Church lately - I don't know why. Each week something comes up that stops me, like meetings. I know that I'm still so loved.
Geesh, this update was gonna be about crappy WNY weather and it turned into enlightenment - how does that happen?!

We all have to keep breathing for the next couple of weeks. We really only have about two months left. I can't believe how the year has flown by already. It's pretty crazy, crazy and amazing.

I have Spring Break starting on next Friday and I think I'm gonna read the WHOLE TIME! I have so much I want to research for my thesis topic. I have a contact name from one of my prof. of a woman who's written a book on women and Catholicism, but before I can ask her any really good questions I'll have to do some of my own research!
There's so much ahead of us, and while we may not know exactly what we're up against I know we all have greatness within us.

Ok, this thing's been all over the place. Stopping now
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